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BECAUSE LIFE AFTER FORTY IS NO LESS FUN OR FASHIONABLE

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Lifestyle

Orphaned at 42

22/06/2016
Orphaned at 42

...the most traumatic episode of my life so far

Apologies if the title of this entry sounds rather dramatic…

This year I’ve had to come to terms with losing both my parents. On one hand, it’s been the most traumatic episode of my life so far (lucky for me some will say) and on the other hand I remind myself that it’s not so tragic… everyone will eventually experience the loss of both parents, it’s a natural part of life.

Perhaps the sense of tragedy is linked to the debilitating diseases both Mum and Dad suffered until their untimely deaths. They were unfairly taken from me in their 60s. Dad was only 61 and my Mum, 69. If they had peacefully died in their 80s, would I feel so bereft?

I’m a fully-fledged adult, a grown woman with a family of my own. I am incredibly grateful for the many years I had with my Mum & Dad and that they got to experience the joy of becoming grandparents and be part of my grown-up life. I was prepared for losing them (their diseases offered no cure) and I naively thought there might be some sense of ‘release’ as I played an active and often distressing role in supporting them through their illnesses. But I was not prepared for the debilitating sadness.

However settled and supposedly mature I am now, I still felt like a child when my parents were alive, especially in my Mum’s company. So now I feel like a chapter of my life is over. I am no longer a child. It is time to fully embrace adulthood without the support and unconditional love of a parent. The foundations of my life have disappeared and I am left standing alone. An orphan, I suppose.

There is most definitely a sense of aloneness. Questions no-one can now answer. Parts of me that no-one will ever know. What was I really like as a child and young adult? I regret not being more inquisitive to gain a better understanding of not only myself, but the essence of my Mum & Dad and our family dynamic. I don’t fully trust my own recollections…

Then the pendulum that carries my feelings will sometimes swing the complete opposite way and I chastise myself for wallowing in self-pity. The death of our parents is all part of this process we call life. And there are far more tragic losses that people will unfortunately experience; the loss of a child being the absolute, unbearable, worst. And I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to lose parents as children or young adults.

So looking forward, I have my memories (however patchy) and those of close family and friends to share and take comfort in. I have the support and love of those close to me to help me through the bleaker days. There is a slight sense of freedom; I don’t have to seek parental approval (I’m not entirely sure if they would approve of this blog!!!) There’s just me and my little family to take care of now; they have my undivided attention.

I know there’s lots to learn from this episode in my life, hopefully it will make me stronger. I may seek more professional help to get me get through it, to process the emotions effectively. I’ll keep you posted on my progress and the journey it takes me on… but I’d welcome any advice, guidance or similar experiences you may have had. As always, please share X

Orphaned at 42 was last modified: October 12th, 2016 by Club Forty
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9 comments

Claire Skaptason 29/06/2016 at 2:07 pm

Hugs and kisses from me to you x

Reply
Claire Hall 30/06/2016 at 11:15 am

Thanks Claire! X

Reply
Julia Hutchings 29/06/2016 at 4:34 pm

Claire you write so beautifully and have me in tears! You are so incredibly strong, I have no idea how I’d cope in your shoes. Although we are not that close, as always, you know where I am if you ever need any support. xxx

Reply
Claire Hall 30/06/2016 at 11:14 am

Thank you Julia X

Reply
Victoria stone (reed) 29/06/2016 at 10:46 pm

Hey
Sending you a hug
It’s been a long long while
Xx

Reply
Claire Hall 30/06/2016 at 11:14 am

Hi Vicky, Lovely to hear from you. Hope all is well with you? X

Reply
Rachel 06/07/2016 at 10:16 am

I totally feel where your coming from having lost both my parents, my mother 5 years ago and my father only 3 months ago. My sisters and I were only discussing the fact that we are now orphans in our late 30s and early forties and now have to become grown ups over night but what really hit home was when my new passport arrived and I stared to fill in my next of kin and had to stop myself when I nearly filled out my fathers name, the tears rolled as I realised I was now orphaned. I have definitely taken the death of my father harder I guess it’s because we had our father to support after mum passed and I took on the roll of dealing with his house, finances etc but since he passed I have this feeling of emptiness that I can’t seem to fill. I have a wonderful family that support and I’m sure in time the pain with ease and my emptiness will be filled again .

Reply
Club Forty 07/07/2016 at 10:41 am

Hi Rachel
Thank you for your heartfelt response to this post.
I totally empathise with the emptiness you are currently feeling… Like with your Dad, I managed everything for Mum especially in the last year of her illness and now there is a gaping hole, which I naively thought would be liberating… but of course it’s far from it.
I guess we just have to try to fill the empty space with something positive; spending time with family & friends, working on ourselves, trying out new ventures.. It’s what they would have wanted.
X
P.S. I have emailed you are more detailed, personal reply.

Reply
Livvy 06/07/2016 at 8:36 pm

Beautifully written Claire. I can’t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, but, you’re doing something very positive, and I hope that writing about your thoughts and feelings helps you through this difficult time. xx

Reply

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If you have followed me for a while, you’ll know I have a soft spot for dungarees 😍 They were the topic of my first ever blog post “Am I Too Old To Wear Dungarees?” Fast-forward 5 years & I’m still a fan and no longer need to question the age thing!!!! 😉 

These new-in Denby Dungarees are the perfect Spring update 🌱🌱🌱 So comfy & easy to wear. I’ve teamed them with the Spring Mist Cardi & High Tops - @whitestuffuk & linked on Stories 🌼🌸

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Boots @marksandspencer (old)

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Dress @baukjen use code CLUBFORTY15 for 15% off (link in bio) 
Shoes @carvelaofficial 
Earrings @ashianalondon 

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Small wins 😉 

Tunic @hm 
Leggings @zara
Bag @duchy_store (AD/PR Product)
Slides @ducielondon 
Headband @annie.reed_ (previously gifted)

#whatweworeonwednesday @elizas_everyday #splithemleggings #tunictop #chiclook #fashionable40s #stylish40s #over40style ok  #styleover40 #personalstylistessex #fashionover40 #over40styleblogger #clubfortystyle #clubforty
#AD A perfect night-in = full control of the remo #AD 
A perfect night-in = full control of the remote & my favorite sofa companion (shhhh 🤫 don’t tell anyone) plus a bottle of Tesco Finest Malbec @tescofood 
 
I’m all about the savoury snacks when it comes to nibbles in front of the TV and Malbec is always my go-to red - just perfect for a cosy night in. This smooth & fruity Tesco Finest Malbec was delicious with my blue cheese popcorn 😋🍷

Tesco has such a wide range of high quality wines, that are great tasting at a great price - win win! Head to my stories for a swipe up to browse the Tesco wines. 
 
What’s your preference: 
Are you Sweet or Savoury? 
Red or White? 
 
www.drinkaware.co.uk 18+ 

#nightin #cosynightin #sofabuddy #sofanight #redwine #tescowine #finestmalbec #lockdownnights #nighttomyself #wineandnibbles #drinkaware #clubforty
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In my recent poll on Stories 80% of you say you crave a Capsule Wardrobe. When probed further, the reasons mainly centred around having too much but nothing to wear (sound familiar?) and craving simplicity and a sense of control.

I bet many of you already have the building blocks to a Capsule Wardrobe - you just don’t realise it! Have a read of my latest blog post - follow the link in my bio - and see how many of my suggested capsule pieces you already own 😉

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➡️ Sort through all your clothes & pick out the timeless basics that mix and match with one another
➡️ Make a considered list of shopping items to complete the capsule wardrobe
➡️ Stick to a regime of relying on a set range of clothes - and not purchasing unecessary items!

I can help you with this, just send me a DM and we can set up a virtual consultation and start planning your Capsule Wardrobe 😍

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Dress @saintandsofia 
Blazer @coastfashion 
Bag @duchy_store 
Boots @linzishoes 

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AD/PR Products:
Shirt @mintvelvet 
Jeans @grayseylondon 
Belt @lovepinkroseuk 
Bag @azurinastore 

#70slook #70sstyle #70sfashion #70svibes #70sinspired #flares #flaredjeans #jeaks #mintvelvet ##mintvelvetstyle #grayseylondon #azurinagirls #over40styleblogger #clubfortystyle #clubforty
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Dress @hm (past season)
Roll neck @nearlynewcashmere *
Boots @linzishoes *
Sunnies @worth_a_million *

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#fashtagfriday @gingermumstyle @bellaandbunny_ @ericafmstyle 
#fridaystyleedit @thecarlyedit
#whatafrock @whothefrockisalice #nearlynewcashmere #prelovedcashmere #greendress #winterlayers #springcolours #greendress #clubfortystyle #clubforty
Today is a new day & I have a virtual styling clie Today is a new day & I have a virtual styling client booked in... 

I’m going to be helping this particular client plan some new Spring outfits via her existing wardrobe... Which got me delving into my own archives for some Spring inspiration. 

Here’s 6 outfits I plan to resurrect this coming season - with a few tweaks to keep the look fresh 😉🌱

Are you thinking of Spring outfits yet, or is it too early???

#springoutfits #springinspo #springstyle #spring21 #stylingmywardrobe #shoppingmywardrobe #outfitplanning #personalstylist #personalstylecoach #styleover40 #over40styleblogger #fashionover40 #clubfortystyle #clubforty
Duvet Day I really struggled to get out of bed t Duvet Day 

I really struggled to get out of bed today... my emotional energy is low. There’s cracks in my family unit and it’s hard trying to hold everything together. Everyone is struggling in different ways and being the glue is tough. My teens are especially buckling under the prolonged pressure of lockdown... Every time I feel like breaking free I remind myself that it’s 10 times worse for them.

So I’m sending virtual hugs to anyone else feeling like me today. Wrap yourself up in a snuggly coat, get some fresh air - or if you can, go back to bed & have a duvet day. Be kind to yourself. Your people need you & you can’t pour from an empty cup 💕💕💕💕💕💕

📸 @tiiawestphotography
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